Donation handed over to Sternchenzauber & Frühchenwunder eV
Posted by Tanja Lier on
Tanja:So yes, Mandy, it's nice that we can now meet here in person on Zoom. We actually don't know each other personally or even in pictures. Although we've been working on the joint project for almost two months now and yes, today we're meeting for a really, really, really great occasion. Because we have the donation handover today. And yes, before we get to the wonderful part, I would ask you to maybe just say a word or two about yourself and the club. So we can just get a little insight again.
Mandy:Yes, hello Tanja, first of all it's nice to have me here and see you today. Yes, my name is Mandy Krämer and I am chairwoman of the Star Magic and Premature Miracle Association. Long name and a big project that has become so over time. The name actually says it all, we have two halves of the heart: one is the star children and the other is the premature babies.
At the Star Children, our main concern is that the Star Children can be given a dignified farewell. And it doesn't matter at all when the child is born, whether in the sixth week, in the ninth week of pregnancy or, unfortunately, at birth. In Germany we have very strange burial obligations and burial rights. A right to a burial always exists, but an obligation to a burial does not. And here we simply try to give as much help as possible to parents, grief counselors, hospital pastors, undertakers and even photographers.
Yes, because for the parents it was their child and they loved it. And the parents were already parents and they couldn't care less whether the child weighed 210 grams, 500 grams or 3000 grams. (Tanja: Yes, of course.) And there are beautiful little blankets for even the smallest stars where they can be wrapped up in them and buried beautifully. But also always memorabilia, so that mom and dad always have something with them and a crumple like this is something really nice for the hand - it gives warmth. Because nothing is worse than when your mom comes home from the hospital after a silent birth and her stomach is empty and her hands are empty.
They don't know at all, even physically, how they can defuse it a little and this squeezing helps a lot. But also, for example, little angels, I keep them in a little further. These are simply wonderful souvenirs, many moms put them on the chain and they always like to have one for the mom, one for the dad and one for the child. And this is how you create a memory that will last forever and also a connection between the parents and the child. (Tanja: Yes.) And for the little siblings we have this little cool bunny that's awesome. In his really cool book, Hauke explains how a child travels over the Rainbow Bridge.
Parents often cannot explain this, especially during acute grief. And if the sibling at home is really looking forward to being a big brother or sister, how can you explain that? And the parents are often completely overwhelmed and taken by surprise by what is happening. The women go to the gynecologist for an examination and suddenly they are told that they have to be admitted to the hospital and report it immediately. They don't have time to think or explain it to anyone. And here we simply help with the book so that you can read it out loud and work it through together with the child. And yet it is written very lovingly and in a child-friendly way. (Tanya: Nice, yes.)
As I said, we give little Hauke to siblings and he has become a really, really great companion for the children. Yes, we still have our premature babies, so I don't have that much visual material here right now. Many people think that premature babies are happy that the child is alive. And that's it, but the children have to fight for a lot in life in the first few weeks - many people don't see that. When a premature baby is born, it often has to learn to breathe or learn to eat and drink. The child can't do any of that. It was not born as a full-term child, some cannot even open their eyes at the time of birth. The parents cannot touch the children because they could hurt the child. And when the children are a little older and can slowly be dressed, then we help with really functional clothing for the incubator or then slowly for moving into the heated bed. And the child may not need this clothing so much, but it helps the parents emotionally very, very much.
It actually often makes the parents emotional towards mom and dad. Because it shows the parents at this moment my child is safe. You would never dress a child where you would always need access to it from the doctors. If a child's life is in danger somewhere, access to the body must always be there first. If your child can be dressed, that's a step in the right direction. (Tanja: Yes.) And that gives parents a lot of strength. For Christmas, Carnival, Easter or like now for the European Football Championship, we prepare little surprises on station, for example how all the children can be in their football outfit or something like that. And that helps parents get a distraction from everyday hospital life.
Many studies have found that children grow faster when children are happy. Yes, because we all know with children at home how quickly our mood is transferred to the child. And how quickly do the children notice that we are stressed and tense. But even if we are happy and being happy also helps us to get healthy. (Tanja: Yes.) And we also have our Klara Kleeblatt for the siblings of the little wonderful premature babies and you can turn it and the siblings can actually communicate. Because no one plans a premature birth, it happens overnight. And presto, the big sibling ends up with grandma's aunt's friends wherever they are, of course, all doing their best. But the sibling still falls behind for a while. And so that it can communicate easily there is our Klara.
Tanja:Okay, cool, nice. And you’re completely funded by donations, right?
Mandy:Right, we are a non-profit organization. We are completely financed by donations and grants so that we can easily help.
Tanya:Yes, beautiful. Well, I was really impressed from the start that you are all so committed and that you all do it on a voluntary basis. I think that's really crazy and yes, it definitely deserves a lot of recognition. (Mandy: Thank you.) Yes, I would perhaps just come to us straight away so that we can get the hang of how we came together. Yes, I am Tanja, the founder of the birth poster - now Lille Søn - we have now had a relaunch and we have been in contact with star parents for four years now. And we have always experienced stories that are of course very heartfelt and very touching.
And it became clear to us relatively quickly, because our friends and acquaintances have repeatedly experienced the topic of star children ourselves, that we would simply like to help and have experienced it and that is the great thing that our star child posters can really help. Because just as you just mentioned, it is also a way of remembering the deceased child and some people may not be able to understand that. But for parents who have nothing left of their child, a poster like this can mean a lot. Yes, then we had, Mandy help me out, I think two or three months ago we had contact for the first time.
(Mandy: In April.) In April exactly, because we were proactively looking for a club that was simply worth supporting. Who is super committed and who somehow follows exactly this mission that we have. Namely, to do something for star children and their parents. And yes, then I actually met dear Mandy, we exchanged ideas (laughs) and decided to do things together in the future. And the income we now receive from the Star Child posters, i.e. when a Star Child poster is purchased, 100 percent of it is donated to your club. And yes, I think it's really great. Maybe you can say a few more words about it. Yes, what that did to you, what you want to do with the money, maybe just give your perspective on it again.
Mandy:So when you wrote to us, I was flabbergasted, I honestly didn't know how to answer. I think I wrote it that way too (laughs) I don't even know. (Tanja: Yes, that's exactly right.) I was blown away because I simply wanted to use it for a supposed fringe group, which is not a fringe group at all, regardless of the contribution. Creating this opportunity for parents is such a wonderful thing. The women or the families or the fathers suffer for so long that, for example, the entire apartment is an ancestral gallery. There are pictures hanging everywhere but there is always a part missing, so often a part is missing. In Germany we are talking about every third pregnancy - we are not talking about a fringe group. We're not talking about someone where it could happen. We are also talking about something very elementary that happens to women during a stillbirth, which affects the family and the fathers. We were totally hooked (?loved) and simply incredibly, incredibly grateful that you even wanted to send this message to the parents. So I thought that was incredibly great.
Tanja:Yes, well, I can only give that back. Because in the end you don't do anything else. So you also use it that way, you're super committed to it, so I think it's a really good overlap that we have there. (Mandy: Yes, totally.) Yes, what I also found important, I have to say, the heart. Because when we talked I realized hey there's some heart in it and we're talking on the same level. And of course we have a company here and the whole thing is different than yours. I somehow had the feeling that we were on the same level and felt the same way about it. And I thought that was really nice and it also encouraged me to do this with you.
Mandy:That's right. I also mean a club like that, I always find it really difficult because we are a matter of the heart and you can really only do it with all your heart or not at all. The soul just has to be involved, you can't do this to combat boredom. (Tanja: Yes.) And yet you, and also a club in Germany, are a legally registered person who you have to look after and look after. And so sometimes, when you see all the club activity, you really have to hold meetings again. This is sometimes so difficult for our heads, because for us it's really only the heart that works and then sometimes we have to restrain ourselves quite a bit to let everything go as it should.
Tanya:Yes, I think so. I find that extremely difficult to imagine. So as I said, I immediately sensed from you that it's really just about what concerns the heart and that there's so much passion there. And as I said, I think it's really nice and I'm happy to do that now. I can now just say the whole action, i.e. what we are doing now. So our customers have also received it very well, we have lots and lots of good news and also lots of grateful messages. You too, yes? Really cool. And yes, I'm really happy, because as I said at the beginning, we're meeting today for a really great occasion. Because today is the first donation handover. That means we drew a line and saw what came out of it. It's an amount that I didn't expect at all. I think it's really nice and I can tell you today that we can donate €1,000 to you (laughs).
Mandy:I'm actually not a person who doesn't have a word. But now I really don't have any, so all I can say is: "Wow, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you." (Tanja: I'd love to.) I just think it's so amazing - I think it's so incredibly great that you support us and with €1,000, how many parents have you made happy? (Tanja: Yes, that's a few.) That's crazy. Crazy, crazy, crazy.
Tanja:We don't stop either, that's the nice thing. It's basically the first line that we've made, but of course we want to continue and yes, as I said, the news etc. of course encourage us to do so. We have now also told you that we now also have a function in the shop for all other parents who buy a birth poster or impression poster. They just say: “Hey, I think what you’re doing is great.” They can also contribute a small donation, a small tip, a few cents or a euro to your initiative and also participate in this great project. Yes, and this is becoming more and more accepted. So I'm very happy that this is continuing and that we'll just see to what extent we can push the whole thing further. I'm very excited to see how many more parents we can make happy and I'm really looking forward to it.
Mandy:So do we, what you're doing is absolutely crazy. There's a whole organization behind it, it's not just how you do it. These are these wonderful, really beautiful posters. You have to hold it in your hand to completely fall in love with it. I was instantly in love with shock. And it's just wonderful, it's just great to have such partners and someone like you at our side. So we really, really, really appreciate that.
Tanja:Yes, thank you very much, we are also very happy that you are doing this with us. And I also hope that if someone sees this now, they are also interested and, for example, have a club or are involved in some way. We are open to everything, we are happy to talk about other options, I think you feel the same way. Because the ultimate goal is that the topic is talked about. That it is no longer a taboo topic, as is unfortunately still the case in our society. And that's only possible through communication, through talking about it again and again, through education. And I think that's where we both have a lot of interest and if anyone wants to talk about it now, they also have ideas. Then you're always welcome to share it, I think we're very open about it.
Mandy:Totally, totally absolutely. So we are really ready to go any route. In that respect, yes, who is more like us and can follow our hearts. But the most important thing is that the star parents of premature babies and siblings get an open ear. (Tanja: Exactly.) That this is no longer hushed up or said that depression is an illness or something like that. Many, many women who are now older and suffering from depression actually had a silent birth many years ago - and were simply never able to talk about it. This was hushed up in society - they couldn't even talk to their sisters or mothers because it was simply acceptable for many at that time. But it's a child.
Tanja:Yes, absolutely. Yes, well, um, I think that might be a pretty nice final word. Because no matter what week a child ultimately dies, it is a child, there was the feeling of becoming a mother. And that is also completely justified, or ultimately every moment no matter what week you are a mother. (Mandy: Exactly.) So the feeling is there and it's just taken away from you. You don't choose that and that's why I think it's completely okay for everyone or for every mom to talk about being sad and crying. And you also need an open ear, so no one has to hide that. Nobody has to swallow that. I just hope for a really big change of perspective in our society, that things will simply get better in the future and will be deboized and that people will simply listen. That's just how it is.
Mandy:Yes. So I'll say it relatively bluntly now. When grandpa dies in the family, it is absolutely right that he gets a great funeral. That you accompany him on his final journey. That he is put on socks so that his feet are warm. (Tanja: Yes.) And with a child, with a baby, you start going by the weight. Did it now weigh 490 grams or 510 grams? Yes, then it is subject to burial or not. No, why do they do that? Why are we evaluating at this point?
Tanja:Yes, that has to change. (Mandy: Yes, absolutely.) Exactly, and I think we both do it, as do many other companies and initiatives and associations and people who are involved there. I think we do exactly what is important. And as I said, I'm very happy that it's continuing like this and we'll just see where it goes. And of course I would be very happy if you would just give us a brief update on what you actually did with the money.
Mandy:Well, we don't have a whole lot planned at the moment, but that could be the little thing here. So we do it that way, for example when donations come from you, which is now very much in the area of star children. Then this money will be used specifically because we have the two halves of the heart. While a company that is more preemie-oriented will invest the monetary donation there. So he could be the little Mutzelmann. Materials or whatever we don't need. We need leather, key chains and everything endlessly. To be able to make small, wonderful things. And of course an amount like that helps enormously.
Tanja:Of course it's cool, so as I said, once you've decided where you're going to invest the money, please let me know. Of course it would be really nice, I've fallen a little bit in love with the little man. (Mandy: Well then.) So I know it's coming to the right place either way. So no matter what you do, it will definitely help. Yes, I'm super happy that we can start now, that we can support you and yes. I would like to thank you again very, very much.
Mandy:But if you've already fallen in love with the little man, then put it in your savings account for the next hit. (Tanja: Yes, that's great.) That's what we'll do. (Tanja: Yes.) Exactly the same. We ordered one but we always buy them and give them away to our siblings and the last round was financed by RTL. And now we're going to invest a little in a savings account again. And then the next one comes from-.
Tanja:That's really great, yes let's do it that way. (Mandy: Let's do it like that.) As I said, I would like to thank you again very much for your commitment. And that you just...
Mandy:Thank you. Thanks are on the side. Really thank you.
Tanja:With pleasure, this is not the last Zoom interview or Zoom handover or whatever we want to call it here. Sure, yes, and I'm definitely looking forward to next time. (Mandy: Me too.) Then being able to throw up (laughing).
Mandy:I always want to sit nicely, so you won't find me standing here. (Tanja: Better not, you say.) No, I might not be able to survive that otherwise (laugh).
Tanja:Okay, then I would say I wish you a really nice afternoon. (Mandy: Thank you too. Thank you very much for everything.) You're welcome. And we'll hear each other again, okay? (Mandy: Absolutely.) Great, see you then.
